Winter Has Arrived

So today, I woke up to a winter wonderland. Snow was falling in mass quantity and continued to do so most of the day. Yes, the first snowfall is always pretty. But as it has arrived about three weeks before Christmas, I fear this may very well be a very cold and wet winter. And as temperatures start to fall tonight, the wet roads will turn to ice, which is always fun to drive through. Ah well, I'll enjoy the "prettiness" of this while I can. Hope your day is grand too!

~peace

The Christmas Tree is up!

Last night, I finally found the time to get the Christmas tree up. It has already put a festive air to the house and I'm slowly getting into the spirit. I personally don't care whether others celebrate Christmas, Hannuka, Kwanza, Blow Myself Up For Allah Day, or whatever, as long as you shut the hell up about me celebrating Christmas. It's a happy time of the year for me, and I will enjoy it and celebrate it as I see fit. And if it offends you, then go get a life and stay the hell out of mine. Merry Christmas!

I also finished getting the leaves out of the front yard today! This was a major feat, as for whatever reason my yard tend to fill with them. Eventually the city will send around a big truck with a massive vacuum cleaner attached to it and suck up all the leaves out of the ditches. As for the back yard, I'll just run my lawn mower over it and turn them into instant mulch. I'll get to that eventually.

I'm also slowly working my way through cleaning up the house thoroughly. Where does all the clutter come from? I swear I think it has breeding parties when I'm at work or asleep. Oh well, the battle will go on!

One thing I do need to do, is hire an electrician to wire up a couple of outdoor electrical outlets. I keep forgetting I don't have any of those until I need to plug something in when I'm outside. Man, I also need 48 hour days just to get everything done!

Oh well, fa la la la la!

Customer Service Is Everything

Why is it so hard to find good customer service these days? Growing up, I remember hearing the phrase, "The customer is always right" and most businesses adhered to that mentality. Understand that I have worked retail in my past. I also have my own side business now. I am fully aware that the customer really isn't always right. As a matter of fact, the vast majority of the time, the customer is flat out wrong. But I still do my best to make the customer feel right, even if I know he is wrong. Unless it will adversely impact my bottom line, I have always tried to make the customer feel appreciated and know that I want their business.

On "black Friday", the big shopping day after Thanksgiving, I went in search of an mp3 player. Wal-Mart was sold out, so I then went to Circuit City. Big mistake. They did have them in stock, but they didn't have any on display for me to actually take a look at and put in my greedy little hands. I asked the dorky kid on the floor if I could see this thing before I bought it. He looks at the box and says, "No, it's factory sealed." What? Of course it's factory sealed, you moron, everything in this store is factory sealed! "Well, we can't open it." Sigh. Fine, get me a manager. I know the kid is only doing what he's been told, and I don't fault him for following the rules. Manager comes over and I explain the situation to him. I want to buy this thing, but I want to see it first and they don't have any on display.

Manager #1: "I'm sorry we don't have any on display, but it's in a sealed box, so I can't open it."
Me: "well, who can open one of these?"
Manager #1: "I can."
Me: "great, open this please"
Manager #1: "Oh, I can't do that."
Me: "but you just said you could"
Manager #1" "I misunderstood you then"

Excuse me? You have someone who wants to drop a quick $250 and all I want to do is SEE the thing first and you won't open the box? WHAT THE FUCK?
At this point, a second manager has stepped up and is listening in, and then chimes in.

Manager #2: "So what exactly is the problem here?"
Me: "I would like to purchase this mp3 player, but you don't have any of this model on display, and I would like to see it first. I would like you to open this one so I can actually see the product"
Manager #2: "Well, this is sealed."
Me: "Yes, I know this. That's how things come when they get shipped to you."
Manager #2: "Our company policy is that we can't open the product"
Me: "This is not a big deal, I only want to see what I"m buying first"
Manager #2: "Sir, you don't have to get upset about this. We just have to follow our company policy. And it says we can't open the boxes. If we open this, and you don't buy it, we have to charge a 15% restocking fee"
WHAT???
Me: "You opened product to put all these other items on display, didn't you?"
Manager #2: "Yes, but we had company approval to do that. Maybe Creative hasn't paid us to put this product on display."
Me: "Yes, but this is a new product, that is more expensive than anything you have out here, and I would like to have this, but I would like to actually see it first before I spend $250 on it."
Manager #2: "You can read the specifications on the box. If it meets your needs, I don't see why you would need to see it."
Me: "Would you buy a car without seeing it first?"
Manager #2: "No, but this isn't a car, now is it?"
Me: Dumbfounded stare. "You know something? You guys are definitely not the only store in town that has these in stock. I can take my money elsewhere since you obviously do not want to make a sale."
Manager #2: "Have a good day."

And I walk out shaking my head. As I stated earlier, I have worked retail before, and I do have my own side business. I really wish my business were so good and cash was flowing so freely to me that I could bear to watch $250 walk away from me merely because I didn't feel like showing a customer my product. I know of very few businesses that are able to turn their back on easy cash so readily.

I went then to Best Buy, who were very friendly and helpful, and even had one of the players on display that I could pick up and touch and play with and all that good stuff, but unfortunately were out of the player. Across the street from Best Buy was another Circuit City. I shuddered at the thought of walking in yet another one of those bastions of ineptitude. I went to lunch and chilled out for a while. I then said to myself, you know, maybe it was just one store of morons. And you've already held one in your hands, you really don't need to see one at this point. And if these guys are morons too, I can just order it online.

So, against my better judgment, I talked myself into going into the different Circuit City. They didn't have any on display, but they didn't have any mp3 players on display. I looked in the locked case and saw one in there. I called the sales guy over and he opened up the locked door and pulled out the box for me. I checked the little sticker on the front that said what color the thing was, and politely asked the guy, "are we sure this is the color of the player?" He said, "Let's find out." and proceeded to pop open the sacred FACTORY SEALED box take out the holy unit and hand it over to me to see for myself. My jaw hit the floor as I stared at the player, then at the sales guy, then at the player, then at the sales guy. So much for "corporate policy" about not opening a damned box.

Wrap it up, I'll take it. Boom, just like that, the store pocketed a quick $250, and I was on my way. Was that so hard?

~peace

Home Again

My vacation is over, dammit, and I'm back home now. Camelot Days was a blast, and a LOT of hard work. There is something really satisfying about being dead tired from working really hard all day and still having a great time doing it. Helping my friend, Tigre, with her booth at the faire was a LOT more work than I had anticipated. But the work involved was also really cool. I met a lot of really neat people, saw some great costumes (called "garb" in the Ren Faire circle), caught a few brief minutes of some good entertainment acts, helped sell some product, and the jewelry and other things we sold really made people smile. How can any of that be a bad thing?

Have you ever had some of those times where you are pissed off or frustrated as hell, but know that you will look back on it later and laugh about it? A lot of this weekend was like that. My friend and I went to Wally World before the event to pick up a new air mattress for her tent. We found a really cool one, double height queen size, big ol' fluffy thing that just looked comfortable as hell, ya know? I also picked up a battery-powered air pump to inflate that big sucker with, since we would be on a primitive camp site with no electricity. After the first day of vending, we go over to another vendor's booth to relax and talk and just enjoy some good conversation and company. We finally all get tired, and head back to our site to put up the tent and get some much needed sleep. The tent goes up without too much problem, and I roll out the new matress. I think, man, that thing is big in this little tent. Eh, no big deal we are only gonna sleep in here for a few hours.

Then I open the box the new air pump is in. Uh oh. That doesn't look right. I pull out the pump and look at it by lantern light. Aero-sport? WTF? I bought a Coleman. I look at the box, I look at the pump. Yep, sure enough, the box says Coleman battery powered air pump. The thing inside it was Aero-sport pump that needed an AC adapter to work, wich of course, was not in the box. THIS IS NOT GOOD! Tigre hears a few naughty words escape my lips and asks what's wrong. I give her the wonderful news, and we start discussing our plan of attack, which is basically to start walking through the site begging others for a spare pump. First we talk to the guys who run the trebuchet who did have a pump we could use...a BICYCLE pump. For a double height queen size mattress.

Um. No. Thank you.

Next we found a wonderful gathering of people sitting around a fire pit and getting their drink on. They had a pump we could use that would actually work! Score! And it was the exact pump that I thought we had bought at the store. Grr. So we take it back to the camp site and I begin inflating the mattress. Tig is sitting off to the side while I get this done. And in just a few minutes... she hears these squeaking sounds. "What is that noise?" she asks. I begin to snicker and reply "you really don't want to know." "Is it leaking?" "No" I reply, "that sound is ...well... it's the sides of the tent bulging." Long pause. "WHAT?"

Yes, the sides of the tent bulging. The damn mattress was bigger than the tent floor. And getting bigger. So big in fact that by the time it was fully inflated, the tent door wouldn't completely close. DAYUM! The tent looked like a muffin that had risen bigger than the muffin pan and spilled over the edge. All we could do at this point was just snicker. Getting the fitted sheet on the thing was also a challenge, but eventually we got everything done and crawled into the tent, and zipped up the door as much as we could.

The mattress had a built-in pillow, but due to the size of the thing, it was next to the door, which wouldn't shut completely and you really don't want to sleep with your head next to the door anyway, and the thing was so big, bulging out the tent sides there was no way to turn it around. So now our feet are elevated like we were in traction in the hospital. The mattress is double height, which puts us just a couple of feet from the tent ceiling, and if you have ever camped, you know that most tents have one of those little gear bags suspended from the ceiling so you can store stuff up there that you don't want on the ground, like wallets and watches and stuff. Well, we are so high up, that if you raise up a bit, that damn bag hits you in the head.

By this time, we are both so tired, we just laugh a bit and go to sleep eventually.

But you know something, even with the comedy of errors, I still had a great time and can now laugh about it all.

Now it's time for the holidays.

Blog Anniversary

Oh my god, I just realized that I have been posting to this blog for a year now! I missed the actual anniversary by a few days (November 3, 2004). But hey, this is still a happy realization.

I've actually posted some pretty good articles over the past year. But the one thing I realize is that I have not posted regularly. I will try to do better at this, my dear readers. Some days, I just don't have anything interesting to say, ya know?

Oh well, maybe I should post the boring shit too, since so many other blogs do that anyway.

~later

Quote for Tuesday

Confidence doesn't come out of nowhere. It's a result of something... hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication.
- Roger Staubach

A few days off

This will be my last post for at least a week. I'm heading out on vacation tomorrow for some much needed fun time. I'll be helping a friend of mine set up and run her vending booth for Silver Tiger Art at the Camelot Days Renaissance Faire. There are also a couple of days planned in there just for fun and relaxing things too, so it won't be all work. Even though the work part will be fun! I'm sure to have lots of pictures, and I just might share one or two of those.

It should be a lot of fun and I'm really looking forward to this. I'm still smoke free and the little counter on the top left shows me that I've saved over a hundred bucks now. But I also know that as I approach the 30-day mark, it is a dangerous time for those of us who have recently quit smoking. This is when we start getting a little cocky (as if I need to be any more than I already am) and occasionally think, "oh, one won't hurt me" or other such nonsense as that. I'm keeping my guard up and not letting myself think in those terms. The acronym "N.O.P.E." is still holding for me (Not One Puff Ever).

~peace

Another "quit smoking" hurdle cleared

Well, I made it. I managed to go out last night to a bar, hang out with my smoking friends, have a few drinks and even sing some karaoke, and was able to resist the urge to smoke. I did tell my friends that I had quit, and they were all very supportive.

Yes there were temptations. Several times I wanted to pick up someone's pack and light one up. Several times I wanted to ask for just a drag. But I didn't. And I'm really happy with that. I was very careful to not drink to much and let my guard down. And up until the very end of the night, I made sure I didn't do any shots, which tend to creep up on you fast. But after I had already paid my tab and was on my way out, a friend bought me a shot, and I figured, well, I'm leaving anyway, might as well.

I had a good time, and was able to stick to my commitment. Celebrate life's small victories, right?

~out

Another Test for Not Smoking

As of now, I have gone 20 days without a cigarette. I have made it through the first few really bad days. I have made it through some really stressful things that popped up in my life (as they always seem to do when I think about quitting smoking), I even went on an extremely long road trip. And through it all I have somehow managed to resist the sometimes overwhelming urge to light one up. The road trip was a really big test for me. Usually when I get behind the wheel, I'm smoking like a chimney. It's a way to help pass the monotonous boredom of highway driving, and it helps keep me awake. But I was able to get through 1800+ miles without taking even one puff.

I can really only think of one more test I need to overcome. And that would be going to a bar. I have had a couple of beers at home since I quit, but I have not stepped foot in a bar in almost 3 weeks. Well, that's not completely true. Yesterday I did go to this little English type pub around the corner from where I work for lunch. But I went by myself, and just ate my meal and left. There was a certain twinge to light up while I was there. The big glass ashtray with the Camel logo in the center was sitting right next to me at the bar. The line of taps sitting just to my right. The soccer game on the tube above my head. And just behind the bar, I could see the display of packs of smokes available for sale. The girl sitting two seats down from me finished her meal and lit up a cigarette. I occasionally glanced her way and thought about how many times I lit up immediately after finishing my meal. Part of me really wanted to ask her for one, but the larger part was pleased that I really didn't need it.

So tonight, I think I will head to one of my favorite hang outs. There will be karaoke tonight. And the bar is typically pretty smokey. I've already told myself that if I feel tempted, I will walk out. On the advice of a friend, who has been quit smoking for a very long time, I plan to tell the bartender, wait staff, and my friends that I have quit, and to please do not buy me drinks or shots or in any way aid me in getting really trashed where my judgement might be weak. I'm pretty sure they will support me in my drive to give up this habit. Wish me luck, for tomorrow at 6pm EST, will be my three week mark. And from what I've read, this is a very dangerous time to slip and start smoking again.

~peace

Where is the media for Hurricane Wilma?

Several months ago, the United States was deluged with images of destruction from Hurricane Katrina. The lives it affected was truly overwhelming and astounding. People all over the world were moved by the massive devastation and destruction this natural disaster wrought on New Orleans and the surrounding area. Many lives were lost, and even more property was wiped out. Many of us contributed to the Red Cross and other charitable organizations to provide what help we could. And the mass media was relentless in bringing us images and stories of how the many lives were shattered, broken and bent.

Fast forward to October 23, 2005. The day Hurricane Wilma, after obliterating the Yucatan Peninsula, turned it's sights on Southern Florida. Hurricane Wilma will go down as the strongest hurricane ever recorded, a massive category 5, with winds topping 175 mph. Thankfully, the storm reduced in strength before bearing down on Florida, and my heart truly goes out to the people of Mexico who were battered for two days with that monster of a storm. But when the storm hit Florida, it was still a very strong category 3, with winds sustained at 125 mph. Over 3 million people were without power. And over a week after the storm, that power still hasn't been restored. How could it be?

But let me ask you something...have you heard much about this storm where you live? What has happened to the people of Fort Lauderdale, Miami, Palm Beach and the rest of South Florida since this storm devastated that part of the United States? No one knows, really, because the television stations, the radio and the newspapers are not telling us anything. And I for one am furious about this. I happen to work at a newspaper, and I confronted my news editor on why, only 2 days after this storm made landfall, there was NOTHING on our front page about it. Her response? "well, we thought other things were more important, and we feel people are just hurricaned out."

Hurricaned out? WHAT THE FUCK? And as for other things being more important, I checked our front page as to what was deemed more important. Let's see, there was a story about how much it would cost to buy out the two major colleges of this area's football coaches contracts, and a story about the IRS not returning a few income tax refunds. This is what was deemed "more important" than 3 million lives being damaged. This is what was thought to be more important than the initial 10, and now over 22 deaths attributed to Hurricane Wilma.

Now I happen to know someone who lives in that area. She tells me what's really going on in that area. How so many elderly are not being attended to, how FEMA and other agencies are not getting the aid to those who desperately need it. There are food and water distribution sites set up here and there, but what do you do for the elderly, handicapped and disabled who live on the second, third or higher floors in buildings that have no electricity, and those people cannot use the stairs to get down to the sites, are not able to stand in line for 4 or more hours, and many don't even have cars to get them to these sites? And the city busses of Fort Lauderdale are not being run for people who have no other means of transportation. Why are these agencies not taking food and water to these people? The death toll in Florida continues to rise daily as people begin reaching those areas and find people who have starved to death, ran out of oxygen or medicine or were left without water. And the lack of power has also caused countless loss of income for many businesses, both large and small. My friend's business, Silver Tiger Art, is largely funded by her web site. Her web site was on a Florida-based server. And that server was offline for almost a week. Every day without electricity cost yet more money to her business in possible lost customers. Yet have we been told about this? I know I haven't by the media organizations I follow.

And this country is NOT hurricaned out. As you know, I have a radio show on AKA Radio. Now, my show only gets 20 or 30 listeners on a good night. Last Wednesday night, I did a telephone interview with my friend, who also happens to be a DJ on the station. As my listeners began hearing about the plight of these people, they started BEGGING me to let them help. In a two hour show, we raised over $250. This country is not hurricaned out. People want to help. They just need to know that help is needed. And it wasn't just the States. I also received donations from Canada and Great Britain too. And for all of you, my deepest thanks go out to you.

With that money, I went to the stores and loaded up with as much supplies as I could buy, and kicking in a large chunk of my own money. And after I got off work Thursday night, I started making my way to Fort Lauderdale to deliver the supplies they so desperately needed. It was an incredibly long drive, but when I finally arrived around 4pm on Friday afternoon, the response from those elderly people was humbling. I was told I was an angel, I was kissed and hugged, I was thanked repeatedly. And I couldn't have done nearly as much as I did without those wonderful listeners I have on AKA Radio. I still didn't feel like I did enough, but I was able to buy much needed batteries, candles, charcoal, a few grills, 5 cases of water, canned food, and toilet paper. And let me tell you, when you see someone almost weep after getting a can of Castleburry's Beef Stew or a couple of rolls of toilet paper, it makes you realize just how much it really means to extend a helping hand.

No, we are not "hurricaned out". We just need to know where we can help. And the fact that we do not know is a complete failure that rests squarely on the shoulders of the media for not reporting this travesty. I hope all of you in the media are ashamed of yourselves for not doing more to help the victims of Hurricane Wilma.

Quote for today

To get what you want, STOP doing what isn't working.
- Dennis Weaver

Today's Quote

The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary.
- Thomas A. Edison

Still at it

Well, this will be my 11th day of not smoking. It hasn't been easy, but it is getting easier each day. Yes, I still have cravings, but they aren't all that bad any more. And they are nothing like that fourth day. That was mind numbing!

And I have someone who has joined me on this quest too. One of the other managers at AKA Radio has joined me in quitting. Phaedie, you're doing great! Keep it up! I'm really proud of you!

She had told me that if I broke her old record of five and a half weeks, she would join me in quitting. Then she changed her mind and joined me early, and I'm really happy about that.

But I've also promised myself that I won't be one of those former smokers who just go nuts when around smokers, telling them how bad it is, or bitching about it in restaurants and such. Come on, people, you used to smoke! Stop being so tyranical about it! You of all people should know how hard it is to quit, and that, for those who smoke, get a lot of enjoyment from it. Stop pissing on their parade. We have a saying at AKA Radio.. if you don't like what you are hearing, then turn it off. Well, if you don't like being around smokers, then leave. Bitching about it will never get them to stop smoking.

No one bitched at me to quit. Yeah, my mom leaned on me a little, but not hard. And other than my mom, no one really even asked me to quit. I did this for myself. I was tired of waking up in the morning coughing up a lung. I was tired of racing to my pack of cigs the second I woke up in the morning. I was tired of making sure I had a pack with me when I left the house, and making sure that there were enough in that pack to last me until I could either get home, or get somewhere to buy more. I was tired of watching my money burn up, literally. I was tired of finding yet another cigarette burn on my couch, floor, clothes, etc. And I was tired of being a slave to the cigarettes. Bottom line here, I was tired of smoking.

From the counter on the left, at this point, I have already not smoked over 300 cigarettes, and have saved almost $50.00. Money that I can use on other things that mean a lot more to me. Money that can be used on something tangible, or to bring happiness to me and those around me. And not watch yet another dollar go up in smoke.

Quote for today

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right!
- Henry Ford

Breaking The Habit

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'’m picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
(unless I try to start again)

I don'’t want to be the one
The battles always choose
'‘Cause inside I realize
That I'’m the one confused

I don'’t know what'’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don'’t know why I instigate
And say what I don'’t mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
Tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'’ll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what'’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this
I'’ll never be alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
Breaking the habit
Tonight
- Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park

We all have addictions. Things like smoking are easy to talk about. It's pretty easy for me to find a multitude of people who want to encourage me, support me, and do what they can to help during my time of breaking the habit. But this isn't always the case for other addictions we may have in our lives.

I know a lot of my close friends are going through things that are just as hard, if not harder, than trying to quit smoking. And very few people know about these "addictions". Only your very close friends and confidants will ever know you are having a hard time dealing with an issue, overcoming an addiction, breaking a habit.

For those of you who have helped me through this time of change thus far, I truly thank you for your support. For those of you who have been there supporting me, and at the same time, allowing me to know some heavy stuff going on in your life, I hope I am giving you some support too. Some of you are really having a hard time dealing with your "stuff", and I want you to know that I do support you in your time of change too. These are hard times, and sometimes it feels like it's all too much, that there is no end in sight. But there is. And every day, every minute that you can stay away from those things that have you trapped, those bad thoughts, those past unhealthy behaviors, will build your self esteem and make you stronger and more able to be that awesome person that you truly are.

Friends, thank you for helping me with my struggle. Know that I am there for you too. Even if it's just to bust your balls on what you're doing and make you laugh about it. Kinda like gloating in the fact you're having a long drag on your Marlboro...jeh, jeh, jeh.

~peace

Amazing!

On my way home from work tonight, I stopped by the pharmacy to pick up some maintenance meds I take. While I waited on them to get my order together, I stuck my arm in one of those blood pressure checking machines. My BP has always ran towards the high side, not actually classified as high blood pressure, but borderline high. So I wanted to see if there was any change in the thing since stopping smoking 5 days ago. And I really didn't expect there to be much of a change this soon.

Much to my surprise, it was actually lower! Still not in the normal range, but VERY DAMN CLOSE! Normal BP is 120/80 or lower, and I hit 121/85. Hey, I know that may not be exciting to any of you, but I'm used to seeing it hovering around 135/88. For me, this is FANTASTIC news and I'm really happy with this!

Take pride in the small victories of life!

~peace

It's all about the Five

Well, according to the ol' counter to the left, I've made it to the five day mark! Not one puff of a cigarette in five days. Wow. I really never thought I could hold out this long. I'm really starting to think I can do this now.

Yes, there are still ups and downs, good times and really hard times. But hell, isn't most of life like this?

I am more powerful than this damn habit. Addiction. Weakness. Whatever you want to call it. And I will defeat this!

Incidentally, every day that passes adds to my self esteem, and makes me feel better about myself. Knowing that I have already made it through some of the toughest parts is empowering!

Oh, and feel free to tune into my radio show tonight at midnight, eastern time! AKA Radio Rocks!

~later

Today's Quote

Remind yourself regularly that you are better than you think you are. Successful people are not superhuman. Success does not require a super-intellect. Nor is there anything mystical about success. And success isn't based on luck. Successful people are just ordinary folks who have developed belief in themselves and what they do. Never - yes, never - sell yourself short.
- David J. Schwartz

Today has been easier

Yes, today has been easier. Thank the gods! Yesterday morning was tough. Possibly my toughest so far, other than those initial withdrawals. But I made it through yesterday, and today will be met as the rest have been. One moment at a time. All I have to do, when those cravings hit, is just force myself to give it 15 minutes. If it hasn't passed by then, give it another 15 minutes. Thanks Tig, for teaching me this lesson!

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've had a lot of support from my AKA Radio family. They continue to show me their support each day. I am asked how I'm holding up, and I am praised for each day that passes without caving in to the overwhelming desire to fail. But another benefit seems to have started emerging. I may have a person or two joining me! I don't know if I have been any kind of inspiration, or what, but if others want to join me in this very hard path, I will welcome the company, and try to give you as much support as I have been shown. It won't be easy, but the benefits are well worth it. As you can see from the counter at the top left, the savings add up rather quickly.

Phaedie, if you are still with me, I'm proud of you! You can do this! You are more powerful than that little white tube! Kick it's ass!

~peace

Keep tabs on me!

I've added a new feature to this blog that you will see over to the left just below the page title and description. This keeps a running tally of my progress, with how much time has passed, how many cancer sticks I have not smoked, and a running tally of the amount of money I would have spent on lung pollution. Feel free to watch the dollars add up!

Thanks to Phaedie for finding code for my blog site to help keep track of my prograss! <3 Phaedie!!!

Quote for today

Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, is the highroad to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction.
- Brian Tracy

Mornings Suck

Just woke up on what will be the lead-in to my 4th smoke-free day.

Mornings suck. Body is really craving that morning smoke. I'm fighting this urge really hard. Listening to some good music on AKA Radio, though and I'm heading into a hot shower on this cool morning. Hopefully that will shake the urge by the time I race to work.

Oh yeah, driving without smoking sucks too.

~out

Damn Lazy Programmers

After looking at the stats on that Stop Smoking Stat Tracker, I realized things weren't adding up right. Then I realized the problem. While whoever programmed it had a place to enter your quit date, he/she failed to provide a place to enter your quit TIME.

Being the crafty program hacker that I am, I found the file the program uses to parse it's stats. After changing the time hard coded from 12AM to 6PM, the stats are closer to correct. And as of 1:00am, here are the current stats on how I'm doing:

Since 10/14/2005, I've been smoke-free for:
3 Days, 7 Hours, 5 Minutes, 14 Seconds.

I have saved $10.80 by not smoking 91 cigarettes.
By not smoking I have added
10 Hours, 44 Minutes, 8 seconds.
to my life expectancy.

Quote

Quote of the Day:

Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.
- Charles F. Kettering

And on the Third Day...

So I'm on my third smoke-free day. The cravings still come, but I don't think they are coming as frequently. The bad moods come, but they pass too. I did get a bit snarky today with a fellow DJ in the chatroom. I apologized later for my rudeness, and I knew I shouldn't have said what I did right after I typed it. I left the room after that because I knew that the lashing out wouldn't stop until the smoking urge had passed. So I took a long hot shower and got myself ready for work.

I tell ya, when that mean streak hits, there is really not much you can do about it other than ride it out. And then beg forgiveness later.

I found a pretty neat web site today to help people quit smoking. It keeps a running total of cost/life savings, as well as a lot of tips to help you quit and stay quit. It's the Stop Smoking Center and has tons of good information. Here is a snapshot of my current "savings".


My Quit Date: 10/14/2005
Smoke-Free Days: 3
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 118
Amount Saved: $13.5
Life Gained:
Days: 0 Hrs: 14 Mins: 4 Seconds: 12

Anyway, I've got another 3 hours of my job ahead of me. I've found the time at my job is some of my hardest times, because so many of my friends smoke here. I have decided that as much as I can, I will still take breaks with them. I just feel like I would be denying myself of something pleasurable by not taking those breaks. I will just take my Eclipse gum or lollipops with me instead. I've also found one of those squishy stress balls in my desk. That helps occupy my hands too.

I WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

~out

50 Hours Ago

50 hours ago, I made a decision to stop a bad habit. A habit many of my friends share with me. A habit that slowly robs us of being in control of ourselves.

That habit is called smoking.

I am still not sure I will be able to defeat this demon, but I'm giving it my all.

I have been smoking for about 10 years. Not very long by some smoker's standards, but much longer than I ever dreamed I would be stuck in this trap. I had quit once before, with the help of the nicotine patch. And I stayed quit for about 3 or 4 months. Then a pretty heavy event crossed my life, and I bummed a smoke from a friend. Within a week, I was back to over a pack a day. It's a vicious cycle.

That first time I quit, I had made my "quit date" weeks in advance. I crossed off the days until that day hit. I tried to time my last few cigarette pack purchases so that I wouldn't waste them. I told my close friends of my intentions, in hopes I could get support from them. I bought the patch and read the instructions. And it did work, I did quit. I just didn't stay quit.

This time, I did things entirely differently. I didn't set a "date" in stone. I only told one person that I was even thinking about quitting. Until I actually smoked my last one, I didn't even tell anyone that I was trying to quit. I bought a carton about a week ago. Knowing that I usually smoke a pack or a pack and a half a day, I knew that I would run out somewhere around Thursday or Friday. I took my last drag on Friday around 6:00pm Eastern time.

That was about 50 hours ago. I did not use the patch this time. I didn't use the gum or any of the cessation drugs. This time is cold turkey. And FUCK YES, this is hard. I honestly never thought I would be able to hold out this long without some kind of slip. Bumming a smoke off of someone, taking a drag off of someone's already burning cigarette, or digging through my trash can for a butt that might have a drag left in it. But I have thus far resisted. The urge has been absolutely staggering. I have periods of time, this being one of them, that my skin is just constantly tingling, even my scalp. Very similar to the sensation one might get after doing a line or two of coke. (er, so I'm told...Yeah, that's it).

I have been trying to keep myself occupied. Chatting in my radio station's chat room, playing LOTS AND LOTS of Spider Solitaire, listening to a lot of music, playing a lot of music. I had a radio show to do on Saturday. That was very interesting, because I normally smoke twice as much while I'm DJ'ing. Getting through that without a cigarette was quite the challenge. I only screamed a couple of times. Heh. The guests and fellow DJ's and managers at AKA have been very supportive during this time. They let me scream and shout, and still give me bits of encouragement.

So thank you Tigre, tookey, nine, Cinco, phaedie, T-R-O-U-B-L-E, Dreheil, Kyra, Time, Cazz, Geyanna, Grungi, DarkSol, Robovinski and anyone else I might have missed. Please understand my mind isn't working at full speed right now. And I am very sorry to anyone who I might have been short and "assholish" towards. I am normally an asshole, but the past couple of days, I know I've been more of one.

Tonight is my first night back at work. And on the way into the building, there is this huge ashtray sitting right next to the door. I glanced over at it as I came through the door. I actually spotted at least 4 butts that were practically untouched. Just waiting for me to break down and light them. I've resisted for 2 and a half hours so far. Five and a half to go.

Wish me lots of luck. Fifty and a half hours and counting now.

~peace

Love Who You Are

I am going to put forth an opinion that may prove unpopular in some segments, but on the whole, I doubt it will draw much opposition. First, let me say, I do appreciate a beautiful woman. As a typical man, I do find many of the models and movie and television stars quite attractive. But I also know that these women (and men for that matter) are not the typical person you will generally meet in your daily walk through life. These are the so-called “elite” as far as looks go.

And it has really started to bother me that so many women are unhappy with the way they look, when in reality there is absolutely nothing wrong with their appearance.

I believe, and recent studies have begun to prove, a major contributing factor in this is advertising. We are constantly flooded with the images advertising firms have thrust at us, in television, magazines, movies, the Internet, and other sources. And advertising’s ideal image they throw our way has become increasingly thinner and more unattainable. Twenty years ago, the average model was 8% thinner than the average woman. Today’s model weighs 23% less than the average woman.

Advertising’s narrow message of the contemporary ideal of beauty, that being a seventeen-year old model who at over five feet-nine inches tall weighs less than 120 pounds, has no wrinkles, blemishes, or pores, is an image that can only be obtained by a very narrow segment of the population. And quite frankly, many women are literally killing themselves in trying to reach that flawless and unrealistic illusion created by makeup artists and photographers.

In Naomi Wolf’s book “The Beauty Myth”, she contends that the advertising which features these models first erodes a woman’s self esteem, and then offers to sell it back to her one product at a time. Advertising preys upon insecure adolescents and women who are convinced that if they spend their money on the products advertised they will look like the anorexic models on display.

Well, my friends, enough is enough. I am not saying there is anything wrong with being thin. There isn’t, as long as that is your personal body style. But there also is nothing wrong with you if you don't look like the rail-thin Hollyweird ideal. Yes, obesity is a problem in America, and we all, myself included, should be taking better care of ourselves. But we should be doing it for health, not for appearance. A healthy diet and regular exercise are critical in achieving a long and rewarding life. And I know I could be doing a better job at taking better care of myself. But no one should do it for appearances alone.

Love yourself for who you are, not what you look like.

Cool Stuff Happens All The Time

You never know where or when it might happen, but every so often, some little event will happen to you when you least expect it that either right then, or later on, you just think, "man, that was cool.". While I was at one of my favorite hang-outs a few days ago, I saw someone that I thought I recognized but really couldn't put my finger on where I knew him from. We struck up a conversation, and then it hit me. This guy is the lead singer for a band that I absolutely love. Several years ago, this was a hugely popular band, and I had seen them several times when they came to my area. And for about an hour or so, I sat there with Dave Lowery, of the band Cracker, sharing a lot of stories and ideas on a variety of topics, over a drink. Dave is incredibly down to earth and a real pleasure to talk with. And it just made my whole night... well... cool.

Sharing the groove

For about 5 months or so, I've had a little side passion that I really haven't mentioned. But I think it's time to talk about this now, since it doesn't look like it's going to fade away any time soon.

I stumbled across internet radio broadcasting quite by accident. But I found a station that was looking for DJs, so I asked the station manager about it, and a couple of weeks later, I had my first show. I have to tell you, it was a total blast. Yeah, I was nervous as hell on that first show. I planned it for the whole two weeks, putting together a play list, figuring out what I was going to say, and all of that kind of stuff. The show went well, and I took some general ribbing from some of the fellow DJs who were listening in on my first show. It was all in fun, and just goes with "getting your cherry popped", which is how they refer to a new DJ's first show.

After a few months of this, I now don't stress much about it. Hell, half the time, I don't even wake up until about an hour before my show, and throw together my play list at the last minute. And it still turns out pretty well most of the time.

Well, as I said, that was about 5 months ago. And over those five months, for various reasons, I have bounced between several internet radio stations. I have now pretty much settled into one that I will probably stay with for a while. They play a very wide variety of music, and there are a few talk shows as well. The DJ's are all pretty fun, and even there, is a wide range of ages. I think I may be the oldest one there, to be honest with you. But I find that hanging out in the radio chat room and getting to know the others there keeps me abreast of new music and I get to hear things that you just won't hear on the normal radio stations coming over the airwaves. Internet radio does not have to adhere to FCC guidelines, and there is no censorship on what is played. Songs are pretty much uncensored explicit lyrics, and even the DJs are pretty much free to do their shows any way they see fit.

Being a big proponent of freedom of speech, this appeals to me in a big way. But I will even admit that there are times that what comes through my speakers, I don't necessarily agree with. But as the old rallying cry goes, I may not like what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. And if it really gets out of hand, and they start broadcasting complete crap, I have every right and ability to hit the "off" button.

One part of me is actually encouraged at some of the younger DJs pushing the envelope a bit, as the freedom the format brings them lets them explore musical genres and forms that they may not otherwise be exposed. And youth being youth, they are going to fully exploit the use of profanity. I really don't mind that either.

But there is another part of me that is sometimes concerned and even very rarely, a bit embarassed that they sometimes fail to show a bit of class and personal restraint in how they handle certain topics. Just because you have the right to say something, doesn't necessarily mean you should. I guess I really can't fault a sometimes lack of better judgement from the more youthful staff memebers. Hell, if I were their age again, I probably woulnd't be any better at making those types of judement calls.

But I will say this for my station. Overall, the staff there is pretty top notch. They are a good group of people who get along well together most of the time, and for the most part, carry off their shows pretty professionally, considering almost all of us are not professional broadcasters/DJs.

If you have a desire to check out the station, or my shows, feel free to drop by. I broadcast under the DJ name of Blue Dragon, and you can hear me on Wednesday nights from 10-midnight, Friday afternoons from noon-2pm, and Saturday afternoons from 4-6pm, all times Eastern. I play mostly classic and southern rock, but will also play a little bit of almost everyting. You just never know what you might hear in The Dragon's Lair. But please check out some of our other tallent as well. They all have something to offer, and may just open your mind to something you didn't even know you like.

If you have WinAmp you can reach the station directly through these two links:
High Speed
Dial Up

If you use another type of media player, simply head over to the web site, and select the appropriate link for your prefered audio program. That would be at AKARadio.

I look forward to all of you tuning in to my shows, and I know the other staff would love to have you join their programs as well. AKA Radio really kicks ass!

Time for a change

About an hour ago, I was informed by my boss that my work schedule is changing. Currently, I work every weekend, both Saturday and Sunday, until 2a.m. This will be my last week of that. They are giving me Fridays and Saturdays off, which puts me now only working one really late night. After 5 1/2 years on this schedule, I finally get a break on it. I can't begin to tell you how stoked I am with this news! A real weekend off?!?! What to do, what to do?? (rubbing my hands together and letting an evil grin cross my face)

Just checking in

Okay, so thusfar I have failed miserably in my quest to update this thing more frequently. So yet again, I will post something up here just to have something new to read. A whole lot has happened in my life so far this year, but nothing I really want to put up here for the world to read. Things both happy and not so happy, things that have affected me in ways I never thought they would. But I deal with those on my own time, not here.

Today, Pope John Paul II died. While I am not Catholic, I recognize the importance of this man, and the great things he did during his life. I actually was able to see him about 15 years ago. He visited my college while I was there, and I picked up a job with the L.A. Times to take photos and be a "runner" for them. Somewhere in my vast collection of film and photographs, I have some of the things I shot of his visit. It was a pretty exciting event, and I will probably have a space reserved in hell for this, but being a college kid at the time, a bunch of my friends got together and actually tailgated for the Pope's visit. Any excuse to drink at that time was a good one. One of the coolest things I saw during that was being in the staging area for the media and other groups. While we were having our camera bags and equipment scanned for bombs and sniffed by the doggie cops, I saw the under cover agents getting themselves together. They were all dressed in the same uniforms the normal custodial staff dresses in, with gats strapped under their work clothes. The kids and others on campus had no idea just how many cops were mingling with them. There were even some sub-machine guns being placed in the trash cans on wheels the "janitors" were pushing around with them. Trust me when I say this...The Vatican doesn't mess around when it comes to protecting the Holy Father.

~peace

Bottle update

I guess I should start my posting habits with an update on an earlier one.

Christmas has now come and gone, and the time spent with my family was enjoyable. I was even able to spend an evening with my best friend from high school, and we had a lot to talk about, catching up on recent events in both our lives. I feel a little bad for keeping him up so late that night, but he didn't seem too concerned with kicking me out and it was really good to get a little more reconnected again.

The drive down and back wasn't even too terrible, as the trip down was pretty uneventful, and the trip back, while threatened with ice, stayed away. However driving back the Sunday after Christmas was a little hectic, as you have so many people on the roads who don't normally drive, and it shows. There were no less than four wrecks along I-85, which caused several slow downs and complete stops.

What I want to know is, why do people feel the need to come to a complete stop along an interstate highway, when the wreck is on the complete other side of the highway, and in no way impedes traffic flow. Come on people, act like you've been in this world longer than 20 minutes. It's a wreck. You aren't going to see body parts strewn over the highway, and even if you did, why would you want to, you morbid, sick fucks? Just drive!

During our traditional Christmas Day food overload orgy and gift exchange, the last gift handed out, was of course, The Bottle. As I mentioned earlier, it was my turn to fill it this year, and I sort of feel like I took an easy way out. I decided to fill it with a multi-colored sand sculpture. I figured, if nothing else, my brother could keep it on his desk at work and it would at least be pretty. I was even proud of the way it turned out, as it looked a bit tye-dyed. Hey, at least it beats filling it with orange juice, which I received last year.

~out

Catching Up

I know it has been a long time since I updated this site, and I have a lot of catching up to do. Rest assured I will be posting more frequently now that the holidays are over and I have time to settle back into somewhat of a routine.

Another post coming shortly.

~Peace